It was a cozy Saturday afternoon. The day hadn’t been too busy, there was a fire in the fireplace and the sun was starting to set (yeah it was that good). And I had a plan. Sit with my husband and watch a little something that had caught my eye earlier in the week. The video was loaded on the laptop and I had just added another log to the fire. The only problem was my husband was greatly occupied in his personal to-do list for the day. I asked him if he would like to watch the video. He said he did but that he was busy right then.
Long story short, I wanted to watch the video and I wanted to do it right then. When I didn’t get what I wanted, I was angry (brutally honest here). A while later when my husband was ready to watch I was still playing the anger card and I didn’t want to.
It was then that the steps began.
3. Blame shift
Was paper work more important to him then his wife? Could he really expect me to act any other way? Anyone in that situation would have felt pushed aside and rejected (Justify). Truth is, I was being a brat but I didn’t want to see it and the steps had begun. But knowing how badly my argument lacked validity, I did what I felt was the best alternative in the situation; I avoided him (Hide). He asked if I was upset because we didn’t watch it when I wanted to. To which I boldly told him I felt like HE wasn’t very interested. He was interested in his list. I wanted him to see HIS insensitivity (Blame Shift).
This is nothing new. This has been around from the beginning. Adam and Eve first set these steps in motion.
Step 1: Justify– The tree (which they were forbidden to eat) had very good qualities; it was good for food, it was nice looking, and it would make Eve wise. Surely Adam would benefit from this as well!
Step 2: Hide– After they disobeyed and they heard God in the garden they hid themselves from him.
Step 3: Blame shift- God then questions what they did and they respond accordingly: Eve says- the serpent. Adam doubles the blame and says- the woman, who YOU gave me.
Truth be told, all three of these steps felt like they provided me some form of escape from wrong, but none of them actually rescued. The only way I can break free is to admit that I was wrong and change the approach. Humility is the first step in this new approach.
My circumstance ended well. I had enough conviction to admit my wrong, selfish attitude to my husband and he, like always, was very forgiving.
Have you found yourself taking any of these three steps when you know you are wrong? Does this sound familiar?