Today is Canada Day here in Canada, eh.
It’s kind of like the Fourth of July except, instead of declaring war, we asked permission to move out of mom’s basement (true story). And 2017 is the 150th anniversary of our becoming a kinda/sorta/not really independent nation, and the 35th of the existence of our formal constitution1. That’s right, America: we’re not only polite, but we take our time.
For those curious, here’s a look at how Canada works:
That was pretty helpful, right? And what makes it funny is it’s all true. Our head of state isn’t a President, or even a Prime Minister, but a representative of the Queen of England, the Governor General. And yes, we are indeed subjects of the Queen—a fact may Canadians aren’t actually aware of (or are in denial about)!
I spend a fair bit of time in America these days. And one of the strangest compliments I’ve received was at a conference when someone told me, “Wow, you’re from Canada? I can’t even hear your accent.” While there, I spend much of my time dispelling myths about the frozen wasteland our forefathers chose to colonize. We’re not dirty commies, we’re dirty socialists thank you very much. We’re just as racist as many Americans, just more passive aggressive about it. We don’t all really love Tim Horton’s—even McDonalds’ coffee is better. And our universal health care isn’t free—it’s all paid for with tax money.
Lots—and lots—of tax money.
And the service really isn’t all that good. Unless you’re on the brink of death. Then, it’s aces.
Thankfully, few of my friends ask me about ice-fishing in July:
But the truth is, we really do have our problems—things Canadians only really understand:
Even so, there are things about Canada I do appreciate.
Despite being a socialist nation, we still enjoy a lot of freedoms, such as choosing the educational direction of our children. We still have the freedom to say more or less what we want, with few immediate repercussions (currently no one is coming to arrest me for some of the things I write). We make most of the world’s maple syrup (and it’s delicious). We’re the ideal neighbor for America—we’re quiet, polite and don’t call the cops when you’re throwing wild parties. And if that’s not enough, we even get to number William Shatner and Don Carson among us!
All that to say, Canada’s not too shabby.
P.S. Sorry again about Bieber. Sorry.
- Prior to that, we existed under a modified form of the British North America Act ↵