Over the last couple days, I’ve been about the lies we tell ourselves about marriage—lies that, if left uncountered by biblical truth, will ruin our marriages. In the first post, I considered the lie that tells us marriage is about my happiness. In the second, we looked at the notion that marriage is supposed to be easy and saw that this lie quickly evaporates when we begin to look at marriage from God’s perspective.
In this final post, I want to look at one more lie that ruins our marriages:
Lie #3: My spouse is the problem
I remember some of the first fights that Emily and I had as a married couple. Most were over pretty silly things… but not always. One evening, I came home after another frustrating and unfulfilling men’s ministry play date (there was no real “ministry” happening; it was just a bunch of dudes whose wives signed them up to get together). Emily could see that I was annoyed (I don’t like using my time in unproductive ways) and she wisely told me the truth:
“You need to quit.”
I didn’t take this terribly well. I was sure that I could turn it around and start some real ministry that would see lives changed.
I was wrong.
She drew a helpful diagram that illustrated why the ministry wouldn’t work (one of the significant problems in it being, of course, my role—I’m far more gifted in teaching than building systems and structures). Nevertheless, I launched into a completely ill-advised and frankly idiotic diatribe about how she wasn’t supporting me, and blah blah blah.
Did I also mention that she was pregnant with our first child at the time?
Walking away from the conversation, I thought, “Man, if she would just support me, then everything would be fine. Then I could do the things that I think God’s called me to do.” Little did I realize that I’d bought into one of the most damning lies about marriage of all—that the problem was Emily’s fault. [Read more…]