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Encourage your church to pray

The ERLC has just put together an insert about the continued persecution of Christians around the world. I hope you’ll print this out for your congregation and include with this week’s bulletin.

Two Questions that May Greatly Improve Your Church’s Ministry

Kevin DeYoung:

I’m no management consultant, leadership expert, or church growth guru. But if you love your church and want to see it as effective as possible–for the sake of evangelism, education, exaltation, and whatever other E’s you may have in your mission statement–try asking these two questions. One is from the pastor for his leaders, and the other is from the leaders for his pastor.

Coffee Shops and Productivity

This is a very helpful article discussing just how productive we really are at coffee shops.

The Use and Abuse of Video Church

Richard Phillips:

For all the blessings of this kind of technology, there are some important limitations to video worship of which Christians should be aware and which call for us to make a wise use of this resource. In short, our live webcast is designed for those who are not able to come to church, not as a substitute for those who would otherwise come to church. With this in mind, let me point out some reasons why we should greatly prefer attending church in person, along with some suggestions for our practice.

 Should My Middle Schooler Date?

The short answer is no. But for a more nuanced answer, read this.

Justice Needs a Face

Bethany Jenkins:

I studied law under some of the top legal minds in the world. I learned about foreign affairs and the Constitution from an adviser to the State Department, corporations law from a former SEC commissioner, and criminal investigations from a United States circuit judge.

Throughout my three years in law school, though, there was one word that my professors never uttered and my classmates and I never mentioned. In fact, I don’t think I ever saw it referenced in any of the hundreds of Supreme Court cases that I read. Yet this one word—hospitality—is integral to the biblical idea of justice, order, and flourishing.

Raising kids to be readers

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When I read that Aaron and Emily are going to be homeschooling their children, I was excited for them, and little envious. I was excited because I think homeschooling is a great educational choice, and envious because they are going to have the fun of teaching kids to read. Teaching reading was one of my favourite parts of homeschooling. Teaching a child to read is like giving him them the keys to the kingdom.

This post does not presume to suggest that only children who are homeschooled can become good readers. My oldest daughter was taught to read—and read well—in public school. That being said, the flexibility of the homeschool environment is a great way to raise children who are readers. And we want them to read, don’t we?

The flexibility offered by homeschooling helps meet the individual needs of children while they learn. The student who learns quickly can move ahead at his own pace, and a child who needs more time can have it. It is frustrating to be the child always waiting, or the child for whom everyone must wait. Or worse, to be the child who is totally lost. I spoke to a homeschool mom whose children had reading challenges, and she said the freedom of the homeschool environment prevented her children from hating school. In those first few years of reading, a child who has success has incentive to read. If it’s frustrating or difficult, it might be something he hates.

There is also flexibility with regard to content. In addition to being able to use books that will challenge and develop a reader, there is a lot of room for a child pursuing her own particular interests. If she wants to read ten books about spiders, she can do that. If she wants to read about the Amazon rain forest for an entire month, she can. Homeschool days are generally shorter than public school, and there is more time to pursue independent interests after the required work is done. It’s an opportunity for a child to pursue the things he is really excited about, and that makes reading fun. Our daughter went through a phase where she read historical fiction extensively, and today, she has a very solid grasp of English history she may have not had otherwise.

The flexibility of homeschooling feeds into family time, through reading aloud. I cannot endorse reading aloud enough. Not only does it show the kids that mom and dad like reading, but it promotes discussion. Being able to talk about a book is a good way to make sure children understand what they’re hearing. Reading out loud provides a safe environment to read that book everyone’s talking about, but that you’re not really sure about. Parents can also introduce classic literature through reading aloud, and acquaint them with books they may meet again in the future. When we studied ancient history, we read a lot of Greek mythology. My son, in a first year university course in Classical Studies, knew those stories intimately already.

Often, the most closely held habits in life begin in the home. Make reading one of those habits you foster, regardless of your schooling choice. We don’t have to homeschool to read aloud with our family. Building kids who are readers actually starts right from the time they are old enough to sit in your lap with a chubby board book for a few minutes.

Of course, homeschooling is not a guarantee that every child will grow to be a voracious reader. Of our three children, one is not as much of a reader as the other two. However, he is a good reader, and reads with discernment. Ultimately, that is the goal: to read well, and with discernment. There are many benefits to homeschooling. If you’re going to do it, use the time to encourage good reading habits. You will be encouraging something that will benefit them their entire lives.


Kim Shay lives in southern Ontario, Canada. She has been married to Neil for 27 years, and has three adult children and is a former homeschool mom. Now an empty nester, she fills her time teaching ladies the Bible, reading, blogging, and taking pictures. She blogs regularly at The Upward Call and Out of the Ordinary.

Photo credit: horrigans via photopin cc

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So your child is dating a non-Christian

Kim Shay:

In a perfect world, our children would do everything we said without question and give us very few moments of concern. Of course, we do not live in a perfect world. Our children make choices that we recognize immediately as bad. One of the struggles many parents confront is the news that their child is dating someone who is not a Christian. It can be a terribly stressful time for the entire family when this happens. Our reaction may be anger, self-recrimination, despair or all three. None of those reactions will help us handle the situation in a godly way.

I have been on both sides of this matter; I was the unbelieving girl who dated someone’s son, and I’ve been the mother of a child who dated an unbeliever. The purpose of this post is not to teach about the issue of being unequally yoked. It is, rather, to offer some suggestions to moms who find themselves unexpectedly dealing with their adult child dating someone who is not a Christian.

Theology, the Last Resort

JD Payne offers a brief, gentle, but important rebuke to all of us.

eBooks now at Westminster Bookstore

Westminster Bookstore is launching their all-new eBookstore, and to help kick things off, they’ve partnered with Crossway to offer your first two books for $1.99 each. This offer ends July 12, so act quickly!

And speaking of eBooks, here are a few Kindle deals:

Reformation and the Critics

Douglas Wilson:

Those laboring in the work of reformation, those praying for God to grant us a great revival, often do their preparatory work in the face of great criticism. Often the critics are very capable, and their arguments are cogent. Those working for reformation are sometimes tempted to redouble their efforts, not to mention their prayers, in the belief that the arrival of a great reformation would finally vindicate them against their critics. What it would more likely do is triple the number of their critics. The critics don’t go away until the reformer has been dead for a safe number of years, and it is time to burnish his legacy.

Get The Parables of Jesus in today’s $5 Friday at Ligonier.org

Today you can get R.C. Sproul Jr’s Economics for Everybody teaching series for only $5 in today’s $5 Friday sale at Ligonier.org. Other items on sale:

  • The Poetic Wonder of Isaac Watts by Douglas Bond (ePub + MOBI)
  • Hell teaching series by R.C. Sproul (CD)
  • God in our Midst by Daniel Hyde (hardcover)

$5 Friday ends tonight at 11:59:59 PM Eastern.

“I Think I May Be Gay”

Barry York:

Wondering about or even calling yourself gay is not just a matter of sexual activity, but of identity. Those who refer to themselves as gay see it as a lifestyle. Many gay people describe their experience as a journey of self-discovery, as they come to a point in their lives where they realize they are attracted to the same sex. Perhaps you believe that you have arrived at this very juncture in your own life.

The Pastor’s Kid

The Pastor's Kid by Barnabas Piper

I’m not a pastor’s kid, but if I were, there are two things I know to be true: First, I’d want everyone in our church to stop using the term “PK,” and second, I wouldn’t want to be the kid of a famous pastor.

Barnabas Piper didn’t have much of a choice on either count. Born three years into his father’s call to pastoral ministry, he’d known nothing but the PK life, and as the son of John Piper… Well, let’s be honest: the fact that Barnabas hasn’t dyed his hair purple and started running marathons in leather chaps may well be the surest evidence of God’s grace.

Okay, I’m probably exaggerating.

A bit.

Maybe.

But one thing he makes clear in The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity is the PK life is anything but simple:

The life of a PK is complex, occasionally messy, often frustrating, and sometimes downright maddening. It can be a curse and a bane. But being a PK can also be a profound blessing and provide wonderful grounding for a godly life. Often the greatest challenges are the greatest grounding and the biggest falls are the best blessings. This polarity exemplifies the challenge it is to be a PK. (Kindle location 71)

This polarity Piper describes—that being a PK can be simultaneously a blessing and a burden—is a theme that runs throughout this book. The insane expectations of simultaneously being perfect and the perfect rebel, as as though the PK will be the MVP in a game of Bible All-Star while at the same time wearing a beer helmet to church. Living in the fishbowl, where all eyes are on you (and often knowing private things they have no business knowing) because of Pastor Dad. The confusion of knowing a lot of Bible stories, but not knowing Jesus because Jesus has become boring:

Being around Jesus-related teaching, literature, and events all the time makes Jesus rote in the minds and hearts of PKs. Rote is mundane. When Jesus becomes mundane, He ceases being life-changing and life-giving. In the case of many PKs, He never was either of these; by their estimation, He was just a character in an overtold story. Instead of Savior and Lord, He becomes any number of other things, most of which take on the character of those who represent Him in the church. (Kindle location 634)

As a parent, that is probably the most terrifying thing for me when I think about my own children’s spiritual health. They’re not PKs, but they are in the bubble because of my job and my extra-curricular activities. They’re exposed to a lot of Bible, a lot of books, a lot of discussion… and honestly, the last thing I want for them is to find Jesus boring.

So what does it mean for me as a parent? I need to give them grace and space to figure stuff out as they grow. To wrestle, to ask questions. To meet the real Jesus at the end of it all because, “only when Jesus becomes real to a PK can she begin to figure out what she is, who she is” (Kindle location 648).

This is where, from a  practical standpoint, the sixth chapter, “Pastor and Child,” is so helpful to me (even as a layperson). It’s a simple reminder to be dad before being a pastor or ministry leader or anything else. To talk with instead of at. To have fun, have friends, to play and be silly. “The greatest grace a pastor can show his children is not being a great pastor; it is being a parent who is fully invested, cares deeply, and shows it as well as he can” (Kindle location 1110).

Writing on a subject so closely tied to the author’s life and experience can be touchy, especially one as complex as being a pastor’s kid. It’s easy to veer into bitterness, grumbling and complaining about how awful being a PK was. While that might even be true for some, this is not where Piper leaves readers. He’s not bitter or jaded. He hasn’t abandoned Christianity. He’s not angry with his parents for giving their lives to church ministry. Instead, he is grateful:

…PKs are blessed to have parents who devote their lives to serving Jesus. It is a challenging calling, and not one person in the world’s history has figured out how to do it perfectly. It is a daunting life. But it is necessary and good and rewarding. So thank you, pastors (and spouses). You have given your lives to serving Jesus and His church, and that is a blessing. (Kindle location 1343)

If there’s one key takeaway from the book, this is it. Despite its complexity, being a PK ultimately is a blessing, rather than a burden. Although some stumble and fall, and some try to run as far away as possible from the faith of their parents, they don’t have to. They don’t have to live up to false expectations, or let unkind and uncharitable comments become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Instead, they can run full tilt toward Jesus, owning their responsibilities to “honor Jesus, to honor our fathers and mothers, to love and support the church, and to go about our lives not as victims but as the redeemed” (Kindle location 1394). This is what I see Barnabas Piper doing, both in The Pastor’s Kid and when I interact with him online or when we happen to be in the same city (when we’re not making smart-alecky comments, that is). And this is what I’d love to see for my kids who aren’t PKs, as well as for all the PKs at our church and in all the faithful churches in our community. While none of us can make it happen for any one person, this book is sure to offer a great deal of healing for wounded pastor’s kids and challenging encouragement along the way for their parents.


Title: The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity
Author: Barnabas Piper
Publisher: David C. Cook (2014)

Buy it at: Amazon

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Kindle deals for Christian readers

Reformation Trust and Ligonier’s free book of the month is Jesus the Evangelist by Richard Phillips (it’s a terrific book!). Grab it at Amazon or get the ePub edition at Ligonier.org.

And in case you missed these late additions yesterday, here are some new Kindle deals that popped up recently:

Logos’ free book of the month is The Righteousness of Faith According to Luther by Hans J. Iwand (which you can pair with Brett Muhlhan’s Being Shaped by Freedom: An Examination of Luther’s Development of Christian Liberty for 99 cents). And finally, Christianaudio.com’s free audiobook of the month is Lion of Babylon by Davis Bunn.

33 under 33

The cover story for the latest issue of Christianity Today: “Meet the Christian leaders shaping the next generation of our faith.” Thankful to see so many friends on this list.

10 Promises for Parents

Kevin DeYoung:

My kids need Bible promises, but on most days I need them even more. I’m prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I want them to love.

So here are ten promises from the Bible that every Christian parent should remember, especially the Christian parent writing this blog.

Push Through the Awkward

Christine Hoover:

Being unwilling to push through the awkward keeps us in tightly controlled, safe places, but it also keeps us feeding on insecurities and frustrations. Of course, it’s true that we may push through the awkward and then things will be, well, awkward. The person doesn’t respond how we hoped. People don’t get why we’re doing what we’re doing. Expectations and hopes take a little tumble.

Counseling: Where Biblical Theology Hits the Street

Michael Emlet:

When you hear “biblical theology,” you tend to think of overarching categories such as creation, fall, redemption, and consummation. You think in terms of major biblical themes such as sin, suffering, exodus, sacrifice, law, kingdom, and exile, and how they develop in Scripture over the course of redemptive history. When you hear “counseling,” what comes to mind are topics such as interpersonal ministry, conversation, discipleship, personal struggles, and crisis. You see specific names and faces.

The Song of Broken Bones

Mike Leake:

I learned at an early age that when you stand next to a dude with a broken bone all you hear are screams. Playing his favorite song as he is driven to the hospital doesn’t quiet the shrieks. Neither do my always funny jokes.

The same is true when the Lord—because of our sin—breaks our bones. In such a situation you can no longer hear “joy and gladness”. All you hear are the wails of a broken spirit. Your vision is cloudy and your ears are deaf to joy.

Finding their own faith: Barnabas Piper on being a PK

Meet Barnabas Piper, a writer, team member of Ministry Grid, and a contributor to multiple blogs and publications (including WorldMag.com, Leadership Journal, Tabletalk Magazine, Relevant.com, The Gospel Coalition blog, and DesiringGod.org). Barnabas is also a PK—a pastor’s kid, and  the son of a Christian-famous one, at that. In anticipation of the release of his new book, The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity (look for a review soon), Barnabas took a few minutes to chat (via email) about the book, the life of a PK and how parents can keep their kids from hating ministry.


I promised I wouldn’t ask you the standard “why’d you write this book” question, and I’m sticking to that. (After all, it’s pretty obvious why you did.) So, here’s the real first question: what impressed me when reading the book is how you managed to keep the tone as positive as you did. How challenging was it maintain this without sugarcoating the real difficulties that come with being a PK?

So much of what passes for “authentic” or “honest” writing these days is simply the lancing of emotional boils all over one’s readers. So my challenge was to be genuinely honest but also tasteful. As I wrote I kept the words “honor your father and mother” at the forefront of my mind to help me be thoughtful and conscientious. At the same time I needed to expose and explain certain realities and do so with clarity. I hope that as I tried to negotiate between honoring my parents and being bluntly forthright I was forceful without being a drag.

One of the things you mentioned in the book is that your theology differs in some respects from your dad’s. What were some of the ways he helped give you space to work out what you believe and how might other pastors do likewise for their kids?

Much of my differing came after I moved away from home. We’ve had some pointed conversations about our differences and have come to an understanding that some topics are best not argued about. To be clear, my dad did not make me believe anything growing up, but for anyone who’s ever listened to him preach or read his writings he leaves little room to disagree. So, for me, it was space that led to my opportunity to think in a different direction. And since then, I have worked to be respectful of his views, not pick needless arguments, and center on those things we do agree on—the essentials of the Christian faith.

The Pastor's Kid by Barnabas Piper

The Pastor’s Kid is available now.

While much of your experience is similar to that of the average PK, you’ve also got the added crazy of having a Christian-famous dad. How have you managed to handle the extra-wide bubble and not lose your mind?

Who’s to say I haven’t lost my mind?

Just kidding. Much of it had to do with the fact that the fame for him came gradually as I grew up and didn’t become more pronounced until I was in late high school and then in college. That meant I was a little bit more ready to roll with it and figure it out at a (somewhat) mature level. I haven’t always handled it well. At times I have resented people for how they treated me or gushed over my dad. It’s hard to meet people and for them to have expectations of what I’ll be like because of my last name.

But at some point I realized I could either be annoyed all the time or just roll with it. People aren’t trying to be invasive or to put expectations on me. Many genuinely love my dad, and although that can be weird, it’s generally a kind of nice weird. The bottom line is that I have been shown a lot of grace, and I would be an ingrate not to show some to others, especially when they have good intentions.

My kids aren’t PKs, but they are caught in the bubble due to my day job and extra curricular activities. What advice do you have to help parents like me protect our kids from hating everything about ministry in all its forms?

Help them see that you love them more than ministry and help them see what you love about the ministry. If your kids know you’d drop ministry in a second for them they won’t feel like it’s an imposition. If they see that, while you love ministry, you find greater happiness with them they won’t feel like it’s a rival. If they see that you enjoy it and that it is meaningful to you it will be seen as a positive thing over all, something to be part of rather than fled from.


The Pastor’s Kid is now available from your favorite resellers (and Amazon, too). Connect with Barnabas on Twitter (@BarnabasPiper), Facebook and at his blog.

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Dealing with Prima Donnas

Chris Vacher:

Artists certainly have a reputation for prima donna personalities. So if you’re a worship leader or lead artists of any kind, you should spend some time thinking through a strategy for dealing with prima donnas in your midst.

I’m not sure I could give hard evidence of this, but in my conversations with worship leaders over the past few years, it seems like the popularity and prevalence of the Idol and Glee culture has opened the doors for prima donna personalities to be revealing themselves more and more.

First, let’s define what we’re talking about.

Kindle deals for Christian readers

Slow-to-anger parenting

Elisha Galotti:

The kitchen floor is covered in tin foil, saran wrap, and parchment paper. It’s everywhere. I can barely see the floor underneath. How is it even possible that she made a mess like this in a mere couple of minutes?

Because we’re rushing to leave, because I’m a parent who struggles with impatience to begin with, because tin foil and saran wrap and parchment paper aren’t cheap, and because I’m just plain old annoyed that Ella has chosen this moment to do this new thing, I feel a surge of angry frustration.

I’m quick to become angry with my child.

Dare to Be a Daniel?

Ben Dunson:

Christians with a basic knowledge of the Bible know it is full of stories of people who have done great things in the service of God. They’ve heard of these men and women of renown in sermons, in Sunday school, in vacation Bible schools. But perhaps you have wondered: is there nothing more to the Bible than these tales of bravery and heroism? Isn’t there more to the Bible than mighty heroes carrying out mighty works for God? What about God saving sinners? Is there hope for the very un-heroic among us?

If you have ever asked questions like this you are not alone.

Almost too good to be true

David Mathis:

The Christian doctrine of glorification is stunning, to say the least. Not only we will see Jesus in all his new-creation glory, but we will share with him in it. “When he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is” (1 John 3:2).

If the Scriptures didn’t make it so plain, we wouldn’t have the gall to make this up, even in our wildest dreams. But the apostle Paul tells us we “will appear with him in glory” (Colossians 3:3), and that awaiting us is “an eternal weight of glory” (2 Corinthians 4:16). Jesus himself prays to the Father about us, “The glory that you have given me I have given to them” (John 17:22), and perhaps most shocking of all, Peter says we will “become partakers of the divine nature” (2 Peter 1:4).

Links I like (weekend edition)

Kindle deals for Christian readers

And finally, four volumes from Crossway’s A Student’s Guide series are 99¢ until tomorrow night:

When You Preach on Sex You Don’t Preach to the Pure

Barnabas Piper:

God’s standard for everyone is holiness, and not one of us can attain it without grace. Not me, not you, not anyone. Pastor, you are speaking to the stained. When you speak down at sexual sin you shine a spot light on part of life we are ashamed of, you open up old wounds. You must speak God’s truth about obedience and holiness — please do! — but please do so with a message that is not just seasoned with grace but made up of it.

Where Is the Line?

Aimee Byrd:

I’m sure we’ve all seen our share of images on the internet that we wish we wouldn’t have. I have viewed countless overly-sexualized images of children that have left me sad. And so I was a bit confused when I read this article about how Instagram removed a photo from blogger mom, Courtney Adamo’s account because it was deemed inappropriate. Surprised and somewhat annoyed, she read Instagram’s guidelines, and could not see where she violated any policies. So Adomo reposted the picture of her 18-month-old girl pulling up her dress to get a better look at her bellybutton. Instagram reacted by shutting down her account, which has over 40,000 followers.

Why My Family Doesn’t Do Sleepovers

Tim Challies:

Aileen and I made our decision based largely on experience and observation of what happened around us when we were young. We made this decision because even in our youth—decades ago—we saw plenty of evidence of the dangers inherent in sleepovers.

How Frozen Took Over the World

Maria Konnikova asks: “What is it about this movie that has so captured the culture?”

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History Could Happen Again

Nathan Finn:

Those who followed Jonathan Edwards advanced his original vision for prayer, spiritual awakening, and missionary advance. Between 1780 and 1820, entire denominations experienced revival, sound doctrine overcame soul-deadening error, numerous new benevolent ministries were launched (I have only referenced the mission societies), and English-speaking evangelicals became passionate about fulfilling the Great Commission. It could happen again.

A Different Kind of Millennial Problem

Brandon Clements:

I serve as a pastor at a 7 year-old church plant in downtown Columbia, where we have a different kind of millennial problem – we have too many of them. We are a church that averages 800 on Sundays with over 925 people plugged into LifeGroups.

But the most shocking part? 90% of our church is under 30 years old. We have the exact opposite problem of most churches. When someone who looks older walks through our door, we pray they are solid and that they’ll stick around to pour into the mass of youth we have.

Kindle deals for Christian readers

Get Sola Scriptura in today’s $5 Friday at Ligonier.org

Today you can get the ePub and MOBI editions of Sola Scriptura: The Protestant Position on the Bible for only $5 in today’s $5 Friday sale at Ligonier.org. Other items on sale:

  • The Faith Shaped Life by Ian Hamilton (paperback)
  • Moses and the Burning Bush teaching series by R.C. Sproul (CD)
  • The Christian Lover by Michael Haykin (hardcover)

$5 Friday ends tonight at 11:59:59 PM Eastern.

We Need To Stop Blaming Parents For “Wayward” Teens

Stephen Altrogge:

When a teenager goes AWOL, we immediately assume that the his parents must have failed him in some way. His parents must not have brought enough discipline into his life. His parents must not have prayed for him enough, read him the Bible enough, sent him to VBS enough. If his parents had done the right thing, the child wouldn’t be plunging headlong into sin.

We really need to stop blaming parents for wayward teens. 

A Gender-Confused World

Heidi Jo Fulk:

Distinguishing our kids—all people for that matter—as male or female seems straightforward enough. But in our culture that seemingly simple dividing line is being questioned; not just roles and stereotypes, but the most basic of issues—even for children.

 

Links I like (weekend edition)

Kindle deals for Christian readers

Also, New Growth Press has made A Quest for More by Paul Tripp available for free at their online store (today’s the last day, so grab it now!).

Letters from Dad

Richard Phillips:

The year 1972 was big for me, for two reasons. That year I turned 12 and entered sixth grade. More importantly, though, my father spent the entire year in Vietnam. He had often been away for maneuvers or short deployments of up to a month or so. He had even done an earlier long tour in Vietnam, although I was much younger then and hadn’t noticed his absence too deeply. But this time, my dad would be at war for one of my most formative years.

What is your reading level?

Aimee Byrd:

Did you know that the average adult reads between a 7th and 9th grade level? And studies show that we like to read two grades below our reading level for entertainment. Well I have a daughter going into the 7th grade, and one going into the 10th this fall. They are intelligent girls and all, but my 38-year-old self would be insulted if I had to stop at their reading level.

And yet there are plenty of intelligent people who do not have the stamina to read a popular level book on the basics of theology.

Is Charismastic teaching breeding spiritual havoc?

Conrad Mbewe offers a challenging look at what’s happening in his nation. (This is one of those “trigger warning” posts.)

Gospel-Shaped Gentleness

Mike Riccardi:

This passage of Scripture [Phil. 4:5] comes in a list of brief commands that Paul means to demonstrate as the means of remaining spiritually steadfast (cf. Phil 4:1). That list is usually read through very quickly, and this command to be gentle often doesn’t enjoy the extended meditation that it deserves.

But the word is packed with meaning, so much so that the translators have always had a hard time translating the Greek word, epieikes. The verse at the top is the New American Standard Update. The older NAS has, “Let your forbearance,” or “your forbearing spirit be made known to all men.” The ESV says, “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.” The HCSB has, “Let your graciousness be known to everyone.”

The commentators don’t help either, as their lists are even longer: gentleness, graciousness, forbearance, patience, sweet reasonableness, mildness, leniency, yieldedness, kindness, charitableness, considerateness, magnanimity, bigheartedness, generosity. In some measure, all of these concepts are at play in this one word. I thought it would be beneficial to select a number of them and amplify them a bit, so that we can gain a firm grasp on the nature of this duty to which we are called, but which is often easy to overlook. So here are five characteristics of the gentleness that is to dominate our demeanor as followers of Christ.

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Dads, Date Your Daughter’s Boyfriend

Marshall Segal:

One of the most terrifying moments of a not-yet-married man’s life is meeting his girlfriend’s father.

The much-anticipated introduction is an unending fountain of humor for friends and family, but it’s more often an occasion for horror for the young man. What will dad say? What will he ask? Will he be armed? The moment is a mountain to overcome in almost any relationship, but I believe it’s a mountain we, as Christians, can capture for the good of the daughter, the suitor, and the father.

Starting A Fire and Keeping It Going

Mike Leake:

I love survival shows. One of my favorite shows in this genre is Dual Survival. One of the guys on that show is a bare-footed fella named Cody Lundin. And the dude can start a fire from anything and with anything in about any climate.… I, on the other hand, can barely start a fire using a lighter and a propane tank. Therefore, I stand in awe as I see these dudes take the strangest components and from them create fire and then sustain the fire.

But I’m even more astounded at the way in which the Lord can create a spark of grace in a heart and fan such a spark into flame.

How to Grow Spiritually

William Boekestein:

There was once a powerful Syrian general named Naaman who had contracted the dreaded disease of leprosy. At God’s instruction, the prophet Elisha promised Naaman healing if he would wash in the Jordan River seven times. Naaman was indignant. Dipping in the Jordan was too undignified an act for him, and it didn’t fit his definition of help. If not for the persistence of his servants, he would have returned to Syria unhealed (2 Kings 5:1–14).

For the same reason, many people miss God’s simple, ordinary plan for their spiritual growth—diligent attendance to the means of grace.

When My Fashion Accessory Told Me To Take a Hike

Tim Challies:

There was a day when one of my fashion accessories talked back. It told me to take a hike. I had said something about it on Facebook or Twitter or snapped a picture of it for Instagram and it was none too pleased. It said it to me nicely enough, but the point was clear: cut it out.

Why Was Judas Carrying the Moneybag?

Jon Bloom:

Judas’s masquerade is a lesson for us. Wolves can look and sound almost exactly like sheep. And sometimes Jesus, for his own reasons, allows the disguised wolves to live among the sheep for a long time and do great damage before their deception is exposed. When this happens, we must trust that the Lord knows what he’s doing. Judas reminds us that even ravaging wolves have a part to play in the drama of redemptive history.

A summertime reading challenge for my daughter

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After a long, cold, long winter here in Canada, I’m definitely looking forward to this summer. Vacations are starting to be planned, reading lists are being compiled (look for that soon)… and this year, as we enter into homeschool land, we’re starting to incorporate some reading activities for the whole family.

When I was nine and ten, my favorite part of the summer was the reading challenge at my local library in St. Albert, Alberta. If I remember correctly, it was to read something like at least one book a week for the whole summer, check in every week, and at the end, you’d get a prize. Or maybe bragging rights.

(Again, this was 25 years ago, so I can’t remember it all…)

So this year, I wanted to try a reading challenge with Abigail, our oldest daughter. She loves, loves, LOVES to read. (Can you tell this makes me happy as a parent?) So something like this seems like a natural fit, and she’s pretty into the idea. So what I’m encouraging her to do is:

  • Shoot for reading at least one (age appropriate) book per week. The books she chooses are, for the most part, entirely up to her.
  • She needs to write a one-two sentence summary of what happened when she’s finished each book. I want her to not just focus on reading a bunch of stuff, but comprehending it (which is also why I’m encouraging her to read age-appropriate chapter books).

At the end of the summer, we’ll tally up the results and if she reads at least ten books, she’ll receive a prize. Right now, I’m thinking a Chapters1 gift card so she can go on a daddy-assisted shopping spree.

We’ll see how it plays out. She might surprise me and read a lot more than 10 books. She might only get to about 5, depending on how into it she is when summer really starts. But my goal is to nurture her love of reading, and get her into a lifestyle of learning mindset. Lord willing, it’ll help.

What kind of summer reading activities did you participate in as a kid? What have you found helpful with your own?

LInks I like

The Superior Blessed the Inferior

Erik Raymond:

…there are many (glorious) ways this points to Christ. However, I want to briefly focus on one for the sake of a gospel meditation. When you read of the superior blessing the inferior you don’t have to think long before you are face to face with Jesus and his dealings with you through the gospel. This is the ultimate example of the superior blessing the inferior. He is infinitely glorious eternally enveloped in the perfections of his person. He is superior in every way. His love, compassion, holiness, justice, mercy, humility, joy, courage, loyalty, and holiness all are without blemish or defect. He is utterly perfect. Yet this perfect one, this superior one, blesses us the inferior. In Christ, we have every spiritual blessing (Eph. 1.3). We are clothed with righteousness, adopted into a new family, given a new hope, new life, new holiness, indeed all things are new and precious in Christ! He who has taken our sin, guilt and shame upon himself while giving us his righteousness, liberty, and holiness. Indeed, we who have trusted in Christ have been richly blessed!

A ridiculous-sounding affirmation

Gloria Furman:

What a tender place the Lord has you in! To have that feeling of longing for his Word and to have that be your big question emerge in the midst of those circumstances is a precious gift. We’re not Word-hungry on our own; it’s evidence of the Spirit’s work when our heart is inclined to his testimonies (Ps. 119:12). And what a blessing it is to your young children that they see your appetite for God’s Word being played out in front of their watching eyes. Where does Mommy want to run to (or limp) when she’s starved for spiritual nourishment? God’s Word is so treasured that time spent meditating on it is hunted down instead of brushed off. It’s an assuring and tender grace of God to feel that even in your bone-weary physical fatigue you feel just as deeply that your soul longs and even faints for fellowship with God.

The Tone Deaf Singer

Tim Challies:

As Christians we are told to sing from the gospel, for one another, to the Lord—a ten-word summary of Colossians 3:16 which says, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” As Paul writes to this Colossian church, he wants them to realize that every Christian needs singing lessons. If we want to sing a song that glorifies the Lord, we first need to apply some lessons.

What Are We Teaching Our Daughters?

Rebecca Vandoodewaard:

The Lord doesn’t require His daughters to braid bread and arrange flowers. For women who want to, those things are gifts. And while we should have skillful hands and strong arms (Prov. 31), what God does require is that we do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with Him (Micah 6:8). That is a teaching that can, by grace, bear eternal fruit in a daughter’s life. A woman who is skilled in every domestic art is of little Kingdom use unless she also thinks biblically, discerns wisely, understands the times, and can serve her family and church with these vital gifts as best she can.

Why Do Some Believe and Some Don’t?

Daniel Hyde:

Our forefathers spoke of faith as “receiving” the gospel or more personally as “embracing” Jesus (e.g., Canons of Dort 1.4). This is important because all too often we can think of faith as just some mental gymnastic you do or an ethereal connection to an ethereal thing called God or Jesus. But what do the ideas behind the words “receive” and “embrace” communicate? They should evoke personalness because faith ispersonal. When I put my faith in Jesus this means that I receive Him and all that He is for myself. This isn’t theological Christianesse, but what John says earlier in John 1:11–12: “He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name . . .” That’s faith. Does this describe your relationship to Jesus? Do you receive and embrace all He is for yourself?

The tools for courageous conversations with your teens: A conversation with Alex Chediak

The transition to college from high school can be as intimidating as it is exciting—for both teens and parents. Looking back on my college years, I needed a lot more help than I realized. There was a TON I was just completely unprepared for, things I absolutely want my kids to be ready for if and when they take that step.

Not too long ago, I shared a few thoughts on Alex Chediak’s latest book on this subject, Preparing Your Teens for College, a book I described as one you didn’t know you needed to read until you read it. And just recently, Alex kindly took some time to answer a few questions about the book, the challenges teens face as they head to post-secondary education, and the conversation he wishes he’d had when he was 15:

AA: What motivated you to write this book?

AC: Three factors: College has never been more expensive, more students than ever are going, and a disturbingly large percentage of those students are stumbling along the way. In the U.S., we have the highest college drop-out rate in the industrialized world. The stakes are high–having a degree or credential of some kind is increasingly important in the job market–and too many students aren’t making it. Preparation is crucial.

I had already written a book for students (Thriving at College). It seemed strategic to write a companion book for parents of 12-18 year olds—those getting their teens ready not just for college but for the totality of their lives.

Why do you think so many teens are unprepared for the realities of college and adult life?

Simply put, they haven’t had enough modeling and training in what it means to take on adult responsibilities. Many parents have bought into the prevailing view that teens are inherently impetuous, reckless, and irresponsible. Why train someone when they aren’t ready to learn? But when we have low expectations for our teens, we get little in return. Adolescence gets extended.

I think the opposite error is more common among Christians: Helicopter parenting. A lot of the students I’ve seen struggle in college came from very loving families where they were treated like children all the way through high school. These teens were controlled instead of coached. In the interest of protecting them from failure or hardship, Mom and Dad stunted their development.

Here’s a quote from my book about this: “Don’t minimize your teens’ trials, but don’t solve their problems for them either. The former will make them feel weak. The latter will ensure they stay weak.”

In the book, you write about the importance of quality friendships—why does this matter so much? How have you seen this at work in the lives of your students?

Our closest friends shape our trajectory in life, particularly in the teen years as we’re entering adulthood. Proverbs 13:20 reads, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” It’s also true that “birds of a feather flock together.” In my experience, students that are serious about learning tend to find each other. Ditto for those more interested in partying.

That’s why it’s important for our teens to assess what character qualities, what virtues, they value, and to pursue friendships with others who share those values. In high school, it’s sometimes easier because of supportive circumstances (loving parents, a strong church, a vibrant youth group). But at college, it’s tougher, particularly at secular colleges, because now you have to go out of your way to find “iron sharpening iron” (Proverbs 27:17) relationships. The easiest friendships to form aren’t necessarily the best ones. Since we ought to prepare for a test before (not during) a test, the ideal time to learn intentionality in friendships is before college.

Preparing Your Teens for College

Preparing Your Teens for College is available now. Buy it at Westminster Books or Amazon.

Think back to yourself at 15. Which of these conversations did you most need to have with your parents? Why?

In the book I describe how I failed to see any connection between my budding Christian faith and my academic work. That made it hard for me to be motivated at school. As I came to see God as the Author of all truth, to appreciate my responsibility for developing whatever God-given abilities with which I was entrusted (Matthew 25:14-30), as I came to understand that loving my neighbor required having something useful to offer, and that usefulness presupposes competence, I came to love learning.

Your kids still fairly young, so college is a fair ways off (although looming!). How are you already applying what you’ve thought through and taught in this book with your family?

The faith component is crucial. I hope, pray, and labor that my kids will experience the twin miracles of regeneration and faith, which is the best foundation for developing the character and maturity necessary for success not just in college but in life. A good tree bears good fruit. True faith necessarily leads to good works.

I’m also striving to teach them to love learning—to really enjoy the exercise of their mental faculties, as they gain mastery over subjects they didn’t previously understand. Similarly, I want them to see that while learning can be difficult, it can be done. Kids are prone to give up on a task they can’t figure out in 20 seconds. What I want them to learn in those moments is to push themselves through that initial difficulty—to assess and categorize the task, to develop strategies, to call upon fundamentals previously learned, and to (if necessary) ask for a hint instead of an answer. I try to regularly encourage them with how much they’ve already learned. I pray that all my children experience the thrill of learning.

If you can offer one encouragement to the parents who will read your book, what would it be?

The evidence is clear that a mom and dad’s involvement in a teen’s life influences them in meaningful ways. Parents, you have the potential to make an overwhelmingly positive difference in the lives of your teens. Even when they don’t seem to care, they are watching what you do and listening to what you say. And even in your stumbling you have the opportunity to model repentance, humility, and the fact that we relate to our Father on the basis of grace, not our imperfect works (which will help your teens do likewise).

I wrote Preparing Your Teens for College to give you the courage and the tools to have crucial conversations with your teens about the issues that will shape the trajectory of their lives. Even if your teens are halfway out the door, it’s not too late to make an impact. And it’s never too early to start.


Alex Chediak (Ph.D., U.C. Berkeley) is a speaker and professor of engineering and physics at California Baptist University. He is the bestselling author of Thriving at College, the recently released prequel, Preparing Your Teens for College (both with Tyndale House Publishers), and numerous articles for Christian College Guide, Boundless, and other publications. He has appeared on programs such as Focus on the Family and Family Life Today. Alex and his wife, Marni, and their three children reside in Riverside, CA. Learn more at www.alexchediak.com or follow him on Twitter (@chediak).