I think I am.
I hope I am.
But I’m kind of not.
My passport says I’m a Canadian. And that’s not going to change anytime soon.
But there’s something different.
I was reading about an ongoing issue in my home province of Ontario, one involving a new taxable tax that’s being foisted upon a population that’s being declared “bad” for not doing enough to save the environment and reduce emissions.
Evidently going to work is a bad thing in Ontario.
But the tough thing for me is, as I was reading it, I felt less outraged and more grieved for those who have to live with it (because I don’t). Maybe it’s just my self-righteousness or my ongoing culture shock and/or assimilation. Instead, there’s a strange and growing disconnect between what’s happening there and my daily life.
And I’m not used to that.
I’m used to caring more. I’m used to being incensed, at least as much (if not more) than any of my friends and former colleagues. To knowing what the right answer might be to the problem—or at least, the right thing to start a conversation (and potentially stir the pot/light a fire).
But I’m less invested now, and I don’t quite how to process that.
There’s part of me that fears eventually not feeling like a Canadian. Of, eventually, not having a strong sense of the challenges local churches face there. Of not being considered a Canadian blogger—but instead being a blogger from Canada. Because I don’t live there. I don’t breathe the same cultural air.
It sounds trivial, and it probably is. It probably doesn’t matter in the least. But it is yet another thing that reminds me of my greater citizenship—my belonging to Jesus, who will one day usher in his kingdom and put an end to all the sadness and death we experience each day. A citizenship where I won’t have to worry about being double or triple taxed.
That’s the identity I keep reminding myself to cling to. Eventually, Canada will pass away. So will the United States. But the Heavenly City will come, and it will last forever. And at that point, I probably won’t care if I was a Canadian blogger or a blogger from Canada. I’ll be too busy standing before the throne of Jesus, in awe of all he’s done for me.